my life has truly begun...

the night of the biggest blizzard in nyc ever (27 inches!) the pbf and i were bundled up for a cozy winter sleep. i, being a light sleeper who wakes up easily and just as easily falls back asleep, was awakened by a smell. usually it's a noise, but this was one of the few times opf note that it was of the olfactory kind. bacon, coffee, burnt toast you ask? oh no. i was awakened by the death like smell of sick dog-diarrhea. i woke the pbf up, he sleepily stood on our bed to wiggle the fan light so it would turn on. we looked around the room through the blur of sleep in our eyes and the haze from the smell and there it was, an old fashioned spicy mustard color puddle, approximately the shape of peru on a very, very oversized map. i could actually feel the movie of my life happen as i came upon this sight. the camera suddenly pushed closer and the sounds of high pitched strings filled my head. i almost lost my taco bell. that would have been better. wordlessly i did my task. grabbing my supplies i was invigorated with a will to clean as never before. i was armed with a new trash bag, lysol cleaner spray, swiffer wet-jet and a brand new role of paper towels. the pbf was in shock, he had barely moved since the incident. we stared at the puddle, he took some paper towel and ceremoniously wiped up a small portion of it. after depositing it into the bag, he gagged and muttered, "i'll take care of the dog." i was alone, a soul searching challenge, this was my battle. i would prevail. i gagged, my supreme crunch wrap barely stopping at my uvula. i swallowed. hard. the rest of the wee hours of that evening are a blur for me. i know that after about an hour it was over. well, most of it was over. i vaguely recall febreezing the entire room, burning candles and leaving the 23 degree fahrenheit air to rush in through an open window to cleanse the room of it's stench. we made our repose that night on our pullout, god bless my mother for insisting we get one. the dog, the beast to us that night, laid in her crate in the middle of the kitchen, pepto bismol on the paw she covered her eyes with. last night when we took her for a walk i was never so happy in my whole life as i was then to see her poo, no resemblance to dulce de leche. i am a better person today than i was two days ago, stronger, heartier, less afraid of massive poo puddles.